Time

Chiharu Shiota, The Web of Time, Toi Art, 2020. Photo by Michael O'Neill. Te Papa

A father said to me yesterday: time speeds up the older you get - there is less time for things. I agreed - said how life fills up - kids and mortgages and holidays and schools - and yet I said: We have a choice.

My choice has been to parent alone with my three. Not that I minded their mother’s parenting - but while together - I was absent. Either tied up in business plans and projects - or actually trying to avoid down time with my family. I was so uncomfortable in myself - so much anger in myself, at myself - so much unexpressed joy and freedom.

So now after nearly six years of being a part time solo dad I do feel the time flying by - except this time I cherish it - I want to be with my children - the festival of light has come around way too fast - soon they will be leaving home and I’ll be knocking at their door.

Time has changed me.

Has pulled me down the rabbit burrow into facing my own shadows and dark - and now I am so much more comfortable in my own skin and that of being a father - a father that I never had, a father who is present because that’s been a call and I’ve followed it.

I choose a life less ordinary - one that allows me to keep step with my soul.