SOC Writing _ 18.5.21

Falling Slowly

Slowing I’m falling through you. The longest time to fall in love – but its arriving. Many are the doors I’ve pushed – but neither one has opened to a field like this. Long ago as a boy I knew this love – but now as a man I feel through the decades of life and arrive upon the deeper call – calling to me even as my mind is in an iron lung unable to interfere with my heart for once. Wanting to break – not wanting to break – wanting to be lost – what the fuck am I doing? All the pieces are again constellating around you – the orbit of my fears and desires – to be met fully – to be seen – to see – to love with abandon – to be fully given over, given away – like the birds give their life and love to the air – like the thrill of Jonathan Livingston Seagull I must fall faster now – all the while knowing I was made for this – not made to create projects – not made to get medals on stage, not made to stand up straight at a desk – made to be a perfect man for you – in this moment to be perfectly loved and in love return – talk of soul purpose – to love and be loved – words that never meant or had any purchase for me now seem like the only things worth living for – and you may leave eventually – all things arise and fall away – all things in the great tuning – especially in this axial age. Its coming to pass, the whole bumbling mess that is our past, present and future – the Irish have a saying about the past – its never gone and in that I call in now all the support of my ancestors - who knew love and lived it – the old ones – the mystics – those who harboured great love under the silence of their hearts – who lived it out with their dying partners - who took it to war – who left family and country to find pure gold in Dunedin’s rocks – I call you all in – I need you – you need me – we cross – criss – the galaxial plane – this hologram of heart resonance into the greatest field of love – into what was always made for me.