A ray of light

SOC Writing _ 25.5.21

A ray of light

Has taken flight to the stoniness of my heart. A ray of light has shot through me – dark delight to accentuate the night of this being. Cannot stand straight – gazing up at the cold morning sky I float – fall – soft ground wet. I am feeling sick – what ailment is this upon me? When I topple and fall – fail in life generally – realise I’m a fucking ego on two legs – realize how fucked I am – realize that I have no control – so why try? Stony – hard hearted beast that I am – willing to come to your pool and drink – the water seemed to be scarce – but only I take what I need and there is enough for us all – for everyone – I am sick – sick in my heart for you – for this glue that has entangled me – has me stuck fast to the looking glass – gazing into you – gazing back at me - I want to see the creation of a new world from this - but first the world ending fire – first how to be undone in 12 steps – say the prayer, ask for forgiveness - wonder what her response to you at coffee will be – she has asked for a divorce – you say of course - and yet bubbling below is a great grief – wandering up the path are aeons of loss that you must say hello to – hello there dear – may we sit awhile and digest what just happened? What would happen if you and I could untangle our stories about each other for our children, for ourselves? I want to be open and clear – this possibility exists. Oh – the water will be cold this morning and my mind a scatter – so many dreams to harvest – so many threads to pull in – I content myself with the children – huddled beside the fire while I dry sheets for her coming – for the day of rest and the ritual of being together again after what feels like an age - wonder of wonders - sitting in your company as you bleed – fully aware of myself being at home and you being so welcome here – welcome home – see I’ve made a place for you here – welcome home.