Morning

The time is 5:30 - I awake from dreams that had me put my house on a boxing fight that I was to fight - having never boxed in my life. Then the underwater splendour of being submerged in liquid bliss. Now the waking of this new day - peeing on the citrus - love making with you - and off to wander about the garden. I found a fresh rat hole - dug under the green house - probably because of the new worm farm - and the food therein - damn it - rats! I hate them - so deviously destructive and underground. Hard to pin down, I want to lay in wait with my slog gun. Enough.

Water what is to be watered - but it all needs more that water and mulch - it needs nutriment - nourishing additions to make up for all their productive hard work. I feel like I need that now - depleted I am - after friends staying and children braying. I wonder about everything - love, farm business, and I can feel the tentacles of anxiety wanting to push their numinous fingers through my hair and remind me of how shitty I am, how lazy, how irresponsible - fragments of parents voices, teachers, pastors - so much judgement throughout my life - I think that is probably the primary takeaway from years of Christianity - God is a judge - watch out! When Jesus I think said: judge not least ye be judged for with what measure you dish it out the same will be applied to you. And then - take the plank out of your own eyes - before your remove the speck in the others - the Hebrew scriptures rail against a judgement filled life. And so the wheat grew up among the tares and they were all harvested together - such is my life.