In the shallows

In the shallows, their bodies crept, dorsal fins swishing quietly - as close as I’ve ever seen to shore. What can they see in all that murk? Sense I suppose, smell. The morsels of clam and shell and their bite - hard and cold. The cold bit hard today. Both in the water and on my bare feet as they pull out the chill from the concrete path. I call your name each day in the water. Sometimes a cry, today more of a prayer. A one word prayer to the gods of love - asking in many ways through one name - is this good? Is this life? I cry out happily in the cold that I am alive - all this heart rending is aliveness - thus I’ve never felt more alive. Some say, or maybe I thought, that feeling alive was equated only with feeling good - feeling exhilarated. There really is not much difference inside our chemistry - the way the brain holds pain and pleasure - they are directly linked to each other - one cannot exist without the other. And in this love with you - we are at the top shelf - we are going from 0-100 and yes, thats who we are - all or none souls - looking for the extreme version of everything - yet neither of us are thrill seekers of the common order. I’m attracted to fasting and walking in the wilderness - you feel the thrill of being on stage in front of thousands. What we do and who we are were born from different stars - light years apart - and yet we travel closer and closer together - colliding like a super nova - and the fragments of us - the bits and pieces that result form worlds - new galaxies. So we don’t actually have to worry about the whole damned thing at all. We walk, talk, sing our way though all the holy, wholly mess and intractable beauty of who we are - all of us - and you and I. There is no pulling apart the whole and arranging it better - we are perfect in form. Perfect. And this is what we must keep telling each other - in words, in deed, and in the tricky and sublime way we send love over the waves from here to there - there to eternity.