SOC Writing _ 2 December 2020

 Paint the Sky

I was thinking about my daughter, how she loves to paint and make art, how all the things coalesce around beauty for her – beauty in the depths of things – beauty in the frolics – the less deep things – all in her eyes a beholding of what is to be beautiful and to make beauty. The sky is a wonder – wonder at it – eyes up and why? We are coming home to ourselves via the stars and I have not taken enough time to lay back in the long grass of the heath and take my full gulp of its wide, wide embrace. Lose myself; surrender. Thats why I don’t like freestyle – I don’t like to not see what is coming - and I don’t like to look into the bottomless depth. What is waiting or lurking below – what indeed? They, if they are there – are going about their business – not waiting for you. Alas, what is below is a terror – is full of blue and darkness – like the sky – blue black – wondrous. Drill driving, noise to my back – I let it all pass – I wonder why, why I am here? What is your bidding deeper Matt - what are you waiting for? What is rising to the surface for you to feed upon - to be nourished by? What part of you do you not yet know that will soon be here – like arriving to a far off destination – the signs telling you – closer, closer now – only 11 miles off. I stop at a local gas station in nowhere - am nowhere – know nobody, no thing of substance around - like in those road runner and coyote cartoons – the landscape of beauty – desert and desert – red and red – canyon and mesa. I don’t know. Want to go home – don’t want to go home – wonder, wonder again at the blue making blue sky and let me tell you another story about my grandfather – the one who left such an in imprint on me – chose me to be the one to bear this family demands – the son that never grew up, the fields they never did till together – I thank you grandad for all you musings – mostly though I wanted to be seen by you – not a filter to see your own son. And, I forgive you. Broken heart. So broken and yet still alive and flowing.