I threw myself into the swollen Ōhau river this morning.

Had an instinct to, an impulse to feel myself carried by her power - give myself over to a bigger force that I can feel.

I walked home before the dip wondering if this was a good idea. No friends, no phone, no helmet, no rubber tube - just me and my wetsuit. The river forked two ways. I let her decide my direction - feet up in front, leaning back. She took me through rocks and rapids - down a torrential gauntlet where I whooped and delighted - Yes! This was the feeling - letting go - surrender and joy and intensity - all combined. How to get out on my side of the river? A frantic swim and I’m a hundred meters down from the track in dense bush. If it were not for the river as a guide I would certainly be lost here immediately.

And through the wet bush, wet boy stomps.

Near the end of the trail a piwakawaka catches my attention. She or he is being so noisy, so I stop and watch - she sits in one spot and sings her heart out.

I know instantly she is bearing a message from you.

A message of your love and care - I cry - its what I needed and now can continue on - leaving you in your much needed silence and me with a bath to settle into, a cup of earl grey tea and my coaching manual. The wild informing the domestic.