It is so important that I take this first light time.

That I sit on this oversized macracapa chair

made for a giant by Steve.

That I look out east over the mountains

and feel the splendor of this world in my bones.

It is so important that I leave the children

for awhile to their own devices - to

butter their own toast - to make parts of their

own school lunches - their voices

are so much more alive with each other

when I am not there.

It is a joy for me as a father to hear them

doing it themselves, solving squabbles themselves

getting themselves ready at their own pace

and in their own time.

It is my joy to behold - a father has done

a good work when his children calmly

know how to manage themselves in his absence.

and in this morning light I am thinking of you.

I’d rather not because now tears come.

I miss you incredibly. Like I don’t know you

at all - and you’re all just a bottled up beauty

with a label that I want to buy in the most

exquisite Japanese scent shop.

I dreamt of putting my arms around your naked

chest while you made a strange pot of

tea - oh, oh, oh…….my body aches.

Sweetness, all the more sweet from this

long departure - remember you - love you

from afar.

From so far off that I get giddy -

the height and depth of us - the risk

taking - the incredible feats we choose in

this life alone and as one - and I

for one am dreaming of a long life with

just you

family

children

and birds,

always singing.