Illuminate

SOC Writing _ 28.9.21

Illuminate

This territory – like the vast Northern Territory my mother speaks of – waterfalls in red canyons, crocodiles and nothing to eat unless you know how to find bush tucka – I’m in some kind of trance – this weather vein – stuck facing North - or is it south – east? West - the large boulders around your being have my vision shortened – like they are hiding you there – so I can’t feel your love or peep into your process. Alas, I content myself with what is happening inside this field – this body covered with the stone of lessor rocks but still in the ritual space we both made over fire – over countless love makings – over the wild blue yonder that keeps giving to us and taking from us. We have built a seasonal home to which we nourish one another and then refurbish – I don’t know how I will keep doing these weeks, one day strong, then completely wanting to just have you – Smell – touch, lick your favourite skin. Oh that I would hold that hand and look into that portal – oh that I would find myself – and get rid of what is itching my scalp – the simple and the profound – the mundane, profane and the holy – they each give their gifts in season – each furnish me with a way of going deeper into this trance, dance, hoping that the way forward is with you, but trusting to know that the way is covered, and cannot be seen. All the spiritual teachings of my youth come into stark clarity – a spirituality for the second half of life is what is needed – everything before this is heavy mill stone territory – children, mostly, should not go to monasteries – should never receive the blunt teachings of bible scripture and not at 6am when they should be resting. Yet I am glad of all my histories – they made me as yours made you – lonesome – I am lonesome in my whole body – just like that beautiful phrase you used for me once – but lonesome also to myself – when will you come home my son? When you do, then, then and only then will you be able to welcome your beloved fully with open arms and a weeping, bloodied heart.