SOC Writing _ 7.4.21

Forgive

Them for they know not what they do. Every time I get close to someone special I put my foot in it – mess it up by leaning in too far, don’t listen to the boundaries they have specifically set – the need in me bleeds – bleeds over them and I am unaware of this tendency in the moment. The energy is staccato, choppy and I can now feel. When I feel that need it is time to lean back into me – but what is here to hold me? In that fractured place when boy, mother cements patterns about the other – there is no space to pause – but pause I can – a day later – forgive myself – prepare for reality and just be gentle with myself, gentle with them and see how it plays out. I can be more honest now without fearing retribution because of alignment – can say how I feel in the moment and make everything more plain to each other. When you say what you really feel – it is a gift to us both – when I hide my feelings and just depend on what you say I’m doing none of us a service. Just let out what is here – which is the key thing to staying in your experience – you can’t bullshit your body – so speak from that wild, hairy, feeling body that heaves – that has a heart, will, emotion, spirit and mind – but mind that gap where the head takes over and you are left with only cold fragments of speech which take away connection, undo the good work of your warmth and the sparkling eyes that hold you while I say the things that truly matter to me – that you truly matter to me – in this moment of truth – and that every other moment will have its own time and timbrel – the catchment of this rain shadow – holding the valleys, rivers and rocks – comes cascading alive with each breath into your lungs – our passage of air between throats – the hive where the honey is made – the bees are healthy and you my dear are a delight for my soul.