In a marsh, in a pond. Water and growth where there was once bare, dry soil - farmland. He poured twenty years of love and life into the land so the birds would return - Bittern and,….other birds - life - waterways, ponds, bogs, things most farmers despise because they are not obviously productive. It is the un-obvious - the things that go unseen and unbidden that have the most life - swamps and water is where most of the world’s life is - abundant systems - fill to the brim with every kind of life - and on it goes - birthing itself over and over if we are not here - damaging it for our own myopic visions. What vision haunts me is the one, barren land of my heart - how I won’t let it re-wet, won’t give it the space to become its own jungle and verdant place. So much dry, hurting and ancient woundings - like I’ve been cut into by bulldozers and diggers - sprayed with rye grass and left alone. This wetness longing - to let the heart grow wild is so needed - but I don’t know how to leave it alone - it is hurting a lot right now - wounds all gushing and I only want it to stop - sweat my way though a night and come up for air - penetrated by dry, acrid thoughts - damage - fear - longing - pain - I can’t get through this - so in I go for another round - I haven’t been beaten yet - won’t stay down for the count - there is a beast in me that is growling and has tremendous power - my throat still sore from letting it’s wail out yesterday for you and the group. And in this new found anguish I will stay - wonder - not knowing what love wants to do with me. I am undone. Broken. Breaking. A reed moved this way and that by my own sacred hurts - but I will continue - onward and inwards while the world turns - while you travail in your own pieces and I look for rock, gold and bone to make something precious and beautiful for you. This is not a rehearsal - this is life - everyday I am living it deeper and deeper till a kind of fulfilment comes - it is waiting, crouching in a secret unknown place to pounce on me, wound me again, and return.