Tea

We are back, organic milk, tea blended by me and a smile as I see this comfort liquid approach my mouth.

What is inside me is as important as the outside world. I am reminded again - not to compare my inside world with that of others outsides. Don’t compare, full stop. There is no gain in that ever prevalent game.

Grief - its so thick in me - I just now put it in the diary to have a good cry each morning so I can do the things I want to do. Can be the best achiever that I know I am - will plant out cavolo nero seedlings - not from my seed - just because I am not going to be purist about this garden endeavour (and because my others have bolted to seed, and I need them in my dietary life) - just like life - we are all compromised in one way or another.

So, a bow to the middle way and let’s muddle on.

Grief is like a homing signal.

Like a compass to say:

Stop, what is your true north? Whats really important and meaningful?

I miss being in intimate relationship with another - so theres that - and this heart felt appreciation that where I have loved deeply, the grief will match it - hard to know till the thing is over - but there you have it - I’m deep in grief and I don’t know when this mist will lift.

So on I go, into the garden, into a retreat day with only one other - the one who called out and so - they matter - they are the go-ahead signal - less ego - more feel - less concern with rightness or it needs to look like this - and more trust - lean into what is emergent - what is here now - thats where the good stuff always is.