Firmament

My hand glides over the firmament - the permanent sky that in one corner I find my friend - the one star I had been looking for. This is enough hope to start the day - to choose not the fear - to let go the constant searching for danger - the over used neural pathways that wire for cortisol release. It is enough to tell myself love and to soften - soften into the day, not armour up against it. I can love the world, have my heart always open and not be broken the Toltecs say. In this, in this new landscape of love there is more that I bargain for. Sitting amongst the budding fruit trees I take my place in the cycle of life and death. I will one day become their compost - my atoms and molecules move to join other entities - always alive - always moving - at this quantum level there is a new definition of death - the ending of one form and a new beginning. I can’t imagine the free floating of this transition - how I will get that boyhood dream of finally flying free. Some say it is terrifying - I guess that is why I practice - letting go control of the everyday - going on carnival rides by the sea - throwing myself into a deep relationship and find that I can grow, die, change - be remade - time and time over. My daughter has a cough and my youngest has just gotten up from my bed. He will soon be a whirlwind of sound and movement - the tender first moment of awakeness are precious - I may steal a cuddle or just marvel at a creature other than I - coming into its own being - being allowed - I hope - to be entirely itself. There is nothing for me to add. He is perfect just like you are perfect - nothing wrong here - nothing to find unacceptable - just the unique daimon of the soul expressing itself through its form that will change and be reborn - change and rebirth - there is not a time I remember like this - I am happy with my life and how I am growing and being - the path I have found completely my own.