My life

SOC Writing _ 3.1.22

My Life

Once upon a time I had my life. It was grand enough - especially in my head. There were accolades, accomplishments, things to do, a meaning and purpose - then that life ended and another unwound - really - it was like it unwound - like the coil spring of an old watch - all of a sudden - the case came off and out sprung all the parts - a real mess - no clock of any working semplence left - just a jangle of parts - no longer in mechanical form - but still a form all the same - this is me now - in un-working order - wondering about how a piece of mess like me gets useful - get a transmission from a source that doesn’t require me to be wound and released - wound and released. You see - we are all falling apart - in various states of disrepair and all the while thinking we must be fixed when all we can do is joyfully receive the broken fact - we are all falling apart - laid asunder - waiting for the master to gather our parts - one by one - and love them, for that is where we are getting to - the heart of the matter - where our job is to love and be love. I think myself special when I think I have enough figured out to talk about it smartly - but while that may be for others - I don’t think it for me. For me, to feel - to really feel this broken watch of myself - watch what is happening and report on its beautiful demise. For it is beautiful when we fall apart - in our wretchedness, in our supreme failing - in our loving and being heart broken - in our trying our very best and failing - and we are loved and we are love - and this superlative fact is what governs our universe - our turning - our broken, human love - and our ability to let go and be remade into something we never saw the gods fashioning - the little acorn we always were - but resisted being - this is our life together and apart - this is what we were made for - to truly die so we can be born into our native being - our soul creature - gifted by life to our very heart.