Fire

Burning down the house. Burning out of control. Burning through the floors to get to the ground. The ground zero of this life. We are wasting time trying to beatify that which is being burnt. Cannot see that our unmanageable lives are on fire, and it is good. I never knew that fire would hurt like this. That being in the love I know about would cause this sort of devastation. But it is showing up at every point - a razed bed - a new land - black and bare save what you cannot see. When the rains come a whole new generation will grow. And you can’t know, cannot control who they are or how they will make their lives afresh. Is this a letting go of you? It is - and over and over again I am asked to do this - and it is painful. To feel all my insecurities - to feel every little nub of worthlessness - of the desire to make what my inside speaks, someone else’s problem. I will go to Al-Anon to do my steps. I haven’t a clue whats in store. Said to myself yesterday: I don’t know what is happening in my life anymore - and its ok. Do not want a plan - to make myself great and secure. Look into the horizon and see your life coming to meet you - without you doing a damn thing. All the ways you tried over the years have failed to bring the one sense you want - the longing to be met is through suffering and acknowledging that you are powerless and thus surrender to what is flowing through you. Today I will be a coach to two men. I am invite into a sacred dance with each one - each one is longing like I am to be at home in themselves and in this world. Each one has a spark of genius that we will both discover if we can stay in the fires of our unfoldment. And that’s the rub: Can we stick with our own burning long enough to see the real us shining out below. Like the Buddha statues housing the countries gold so it couldn’t be taken - we must burn to reveal our golden cores. Otherwise we work with the performative scripts of our culture and we fight a losing war. Inside, inside there is a world of love and delight as we peel back the layers, feel everything and know deeply how worthy we are in the grand scheme of everything.