Mirror
SOC Writing _ 26.11.21
Mirror
You held up a mirror - bright - light - everything is just appearing - you don't have to exert any effort to make it so. You be so. Just like that. In a flash I am taken to childhood - your wet hair around your face - body to water in child mermaid pose - and then, then you are lying in my arms watching an Irish Italian gangster and I am undone. Undone because a shard of utmost beauty has penetrated my soul just like it did as a little boy. But things are different now - not a little boy - and if still that piece - it is loved now - steps into the light from behind the curtains and says “boo!” and “penis!” and “fucking Jesus!” - says all the things that it was punished for and now accepts about himself. The simple act of receiving another in grace is astounding - the way we hold ourselves with the other reminds me of the time I lent back into the ocean and for the first time gave my weight fully to her holding and gazed at the pearly white sky. We are held by beings greater than ourselves, by the great being of ourself. She tells me regularly that I am more than the outsourcing of the love that I speak of - turns it in on itself like a mirror - I look for the looker - for the head and it is gone - instead a new sense of the utter expansiveness of this very moment - going in all directions endlessly - like the love I feel for you eternally. We don’t have much to work with - with words - and we have everything we need right here. Right you say - I've made up my mind and right you are when you follow life to the very is-ness of now - letting go any expectations programmed into you by society - sex, money, power - we discuss these things in front of condenser mics - condensing the ineffable into sound scapes that rise and soar - and the utter uncomfortability of not knowing what’s coming next and have people watch this. The audience effect and yet the nothing effect when I stick with your eyes - your persistent gaze - knowing that staying here - leaning into your questions will unfold to yet the next moment of this life I love living with you.