SOC Writing _ 20 July 2020

Standing Alone

The forked road splits me in two but I am one. One with all that has travelled with me and yet desirous of a more potent version of alI that I am. In the middle of this sits my heart. The machine – the magnetic lump that calls people forth to me. What people do I attract is based on how this piece of me feels .About. Me. There is so much in the energetic – the pulse and flare of the solar star that became me billions of years ago had a colouration – had a flavour even in relation to the billions of other stars it could have attracted. Now this: Earth, water, life, beauty – it all became what it manifested though it could not know. It is the knowing that makes the pure manifestation hard – the creatures become themselves over and over – adapting and re-mating to fit their environments and trajectory forward. My mind is so slow to get out of the way and let the transcendent do its work. One day, sublime and lucid, the next day fear and ice stuck. Struck with what may be my demise – it ponders scenarios – manufactures control and generally does a shit job of aliveness. There is no flow when the head and heart are not in train. Unbelievably I have grown – become – continue to be something more than the sum of my ancient parts. That is the frontier of newness I keep on about – the operation of something in service of another something – always moving us towards pivotal moments of choice where the brain doesn’t reign – but moves you one way in or out – towards or away from the choice – choose by not using the grey matter – choose by stillness and gut. Instinct and shallow mindedness – let free what wants to fly and feel, feel, feel your way through that blue sky. I am alive in all things, in all times, vexed or pain free- attuned to the remarkable small size of my son – a living person in pint sized form – it’s fucking incredible. When I notice this I am marvel struck for as long as I feel it. Then – another part of this portal will open – I will step through the mud pool into the arms of my lover.