Early in the morning and very late at night I feel insecure - what is security? Is it a place or a person? Is it a feeling? Beyond Maslow’s hierarchy of needs there is an internal body crying out to be seen and loved - seen and loved. The seeing can be painful, embarrassing - even completely nudifying - to make plain what has been hidden - to give air to that musty place within dying to breathe. And here I am again - starting again - bringing all the old wounds up for fresh bandages - again and again - to let the love of you and the love of life spread itself out like butter on my hot, sore places. Insecurity can be sorted by placing it in the other: the church, the marriage, the state - but ultimately these are poor bedfellows for something that is an inside job. I am my own inside job, and love and relating will get us there if we stay in the fire and let it come out - I don’t know how to do this - how to be this way - completely at the whim of my body rising from its core all the dark matter that wants to settle this sorid matter. In - secure - ity - like a ditty - this dance, jazz runs up my piano fingers until Billy Joel comes up, pats me on my back and says, “I see you son - I see what you’re doing here”. I am proud of you - proud of what your willing to go beyond. I am just a step beyond myself right now - and it feels scary - not on the surface - life is a good deal for me - but brimming, rimming just below is a complete destruction of everything that used to run my life from the dark - a handle on this is right now - and you my dear point your sharp taurus sun on it and it is now not to be turned from. Turn this day towards yourself, forsake all others to be true to that work that calls you, crawling on all fours - to surrender to a greater life that is bringing you to a new place - just the old place - just like the hurtling molten ball of a comet your life has always been.