SOC Writing _ 14.5.21

My hollow point

The sights were set – the target honed in – but at 150 yards – far too far out for my sight – I need to begin closer in – to what is alive in my heart right now – not at a distance – the coming home to love has been a long journey – the one that takes a long way around – only this time the colour is astounding – the presence of her is reminding me of something I knew long ago – inside me – it begins to ferment – a low, slow cook of the inner parts that start to bubble – start to boil – to come to life even though it might feel like death – feel – feel it all – feel like something I want – something I need – the rest of market has gone away – I’ve been biding my time till now – till this horizon was crested – till this life force comes flooding in –  I just had to open the door and the rest takes care of itself – the fire is by my side and I won’t leave this till I have learnt – till I have gobbled down every last morsel – you come to me on a morning dream and asked that I dance with you – dance with your green blue eyes - get lost in the surprise of a face afresh - anew every time I behold it – why am I balking? What part of me wants to sure up my bets before I place them – but love already owns the house don’t you see? Love has already brought everything and you are her guest- this currency you think you hold is not of value here anymore – do not have to meet the price - pay for anything – only be at the table – say yes and be free to let see what is arising – you calculating bastard – always fearful of the mothers gaze that traps you - holds you captive when you want love to be free – to have all the love with all the people and know what it is to be deeply satisfied – no longer just going along for the ride but tuning into magic because you both see it – can find it and know how to get out of the fucking way – out of the way of love and what does that even mean? 24 hours of the rising sun and the cold and her warmth – and then the pit of my gut begins to turn – ancient, ancient fear of loss and dismemberment comes to visit me – reminds me of small love and only, only if you could see you already are in the family of love – a wide embrace calling you home to the deepest parts of yourself.