To be lived now

The day I leapt down my own path and let go my self obsession with my personality - with what I want - was the day I dreamt a new dream. Where I was free and joyous. Where my moods did no matter because I was surrendered to life and what was surely just around the corner. Not that the thing was good, bad or indifferent - not that what lurked was pain, pleasure, beauty or ugliness - but that I had cultivated a way of being - a presence which transcended my obsession with self. Now freer, I head out into the land - feeling her summer warmth, tending her gardens, making meals that nourish child and lover, and being available for inter-species dialogue. Being available my being moved by grief and beauty. This is my new life. This is my new way of showing up, expressing myself in word and deed just by radiating my presence, my divine spark - descended here 44 years ago and making its best at dropping my cargo, my particular gifts in this world. Oh love, oh heart, oh joyous life! How can I thank you?! When I have been in the pits - lost in the underworld - I stretch my hands towards you in great merriment - not from wine but the sustaining food of my soul and of the world’s dreaming. Of earth dreaming herself through me into what I only hope is beyond my imagination. We share a dream of earth - a dream of our great mother - she pulses her life into us constantly. Breath by breath, pounding heart beat by heart beat. All the time amazed at the continual cycling of everything - putting its head against the shoulder of the person next to me - drawing out the marrow of each broken bone - giving myself over to a process that wants to complete no matter how scared my little self is. It is aliveness I seek in the everyday magic and it is here - right now - not tomorrow, not the 2nd of January - it is to be lived, now.