SOC Writing _ 26th August 2020

Expectant

Expectant, it’s the ‘ant’ part that holds a whip in it’s tail – like movement, like something unknown in a sci-fi film – I expect what do I do expect? Weird. The ant too – “Go to the ant thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise” – why does the Proverb appeal so much to my dad? And why does a phrase like this get to the canonical law? The ant more, works tirelessly and has no dominion over it’s own life, no choice in it’s matter. We are not ants. I know its just a proverb, but fuck, when people in my world lived off Proverbs – it’s inane – insane – become a drone and I’ll tell you what to do – just don’t you dare be lazy. Expectant. Like ‘accelerant’ – you know – get a fire going by dosing it in petrol. I’ve done that a lot. So fun – let it go ‘whoomph’ – watch out – one must consider the air temperature and pressure – a cold day and ‘whumph’ you’ll get knocked over – chose a warm, day, dry, but please, please use wisely, and stand back. I expect fire in my life - spend far more on wood than most people would dare keep in their budget line – not because it’s efficient – but precisely the other way – because it’s necessary – necessary to combust, feel the radiant – see the light dancing across the room as I lay with my children. I expect a forest fire and here it is – pouring forth in it’s many incantations – a spell here – a plague there – the coin drops and we are off – burning everything that was infected - trying to purify that which may maim and kill us. It is not the only purpose. Fire. Beauty. Delight. Mesmerize – the closest we human eyes can get to pure presence of something nuclear – of star burst, of universe creation – we must watch – that which birthed us – our whole semblance – parlance – of riding a horse over a wet and boggy mire – to the wispy mist of the grim reaper – we may lose our heads in that place - better still – we may get another to replace it – learn the way of the ass for awhile until we are sufficiently learned, and can come back to ourselves, our senses, and begin again.