Magic
It is magic. The way I can wake up, feel all the fear and then realise: if I wasn’t fearing love and loss I’d be in fear over something, anything else. It is not being done to me - it is me - choosing to run the script of what ifs and maybes and anything else in between. I get to choose. Now that I see it - see that a night of being captured by fear could also be a night of acceptance - and of sleep. I do not need to flagellate myself with worst case scenarios. I know that is our survival instinct - but really, my life is too short to be in worry mode when there is love, children, a soul - food and an earth to tend. I renounce fear as an operating system and I choose magic instead. It doesn’t mean I won’t be afraid - its just not running the show - being the thing I start with with my love, or lead with with my children. It is a play with mystery - that is just another name for uncertainty - but a more magical one. So, what to do with those big body activations that want to reinforce the fear loop? Go with them, through them - not making a story about why they are there - or giving them too much parlance in reality. Feelings come and go - just like thoughts - but I am going to lead with magic. Magic and love. Ahh, feel the relaxing of my body already. See you can re-script as soon as you realise you can choose. Choice is power. Power is choice. You get to make your life the way you want it and when something feels sticky and icky, you can move that too - get out of the way - it may not even be yours - so treat it like all feelings and thoughts - visitors - not staying but welcome to give their gifts or be given a moments respite and a cup of tea. I will ground all this with my morning tobacco which is a cup of earl grey and english breakfast tea - with cows milk. In the simple act of a smiling waft of steam in porcelain from Japan - something deep in my animal knows it is been taken care of. My love will be with me soon enough and everything else is falling into pieces, falling away, or falling as perfectly together as the magic that always is there - holding it all.