In the midst of fire

SOC Writing _ 21.6.21

In the midst of fire

Gently I blow on ember, gently – letting it take its own time – mind like a breeze, genter now still – letting it come of its own accord - the tinder smouldering like it should – nothing should be rushed but I want to be loved - and under her hot legs I light – we burst into flame – a surprise of light and then it is all incineration – all a hot burning beauty. I want to feel love – this ache as I look around the rain soaked day – could this be the place – the ground of touching upon the ineffable? The place for me to stand and weather all fear – all anxiety until I burn clean and clear? This lighting – this gathering of stick and embers – this paying attention to what is in front of me has me wondering and half believing in myself as half king / half wolf – mind of a man in a wolf’s body – and then the sapling is raised and I am man again – am wiser, have a wiliness about me born of the wild – born of my nature to be a rapscallion – a rasping wild creature – at home in the drizzle and the dank wet and cold – where I can feel my insides hot with desire and revenge. The coldness is where my heat best flows – from the internal crater of my being – I am being released – into a world - into a chalice that one day will regard itself of the land – of terra firma – of mother and of man. The lost pieces of my becoming – the love that came with me from the hovering stars is again reaching for me and I am afraid - afraid to find my true nature so much brighter than I remembered – only flaming hot, nuclear – like a star and unable to burn any less bright because someone cannot tolerate my light – fuck off then I tell them – I am not for everyone – but I am for some – and you have come to me even as you do not know your way – I will somehow show a way forward – feeling my stomach settle into this new, bright, fierce and loving way my heart has always dreamt is possible.