Only you
When I told you no. I meant no.
And when I said I’d leave - my body was
speaking. Saying no to pain. Saying no to pain.
That is all.
But I still wanted you, Still loved you, Still longed
for you.
Now, I am settled a little more
Now, there is a door - a wooden door in
my parents old house that I place my boy
body when the pain starts to rise.
This is important.
I locate this pain here.
At the threshold of child and mother -
The earliest abandonment
And you are not there.
That is important.
You are not the enemy, her.
Never have been - I am sorry - please forgive me - I love you - thank you.
And meeting my needs myself is ongoing work
A mysterious walk in a dark wood
With birdsong I’ve never heard
paths going this way and that
I’ve never trod
And like my body in the forrest of his boyhood would
I track them innately, intuitively
follow my feet - with clarity and strength
for I am who I am
And….