Mighty
SOC Writing _ 11 September 2020
Mighty
Mighty Matt uncle Marc used to call me – years of it at Christmas and Easter holidays: Mighty Matt - it was a genuine, big hearted encouraging sort of quip – the best kind when it comes to a nephew – I was a delight – he clearly took delight in my energy. Years later life changed and it seemed I became a threat to him - my big dreams of starting a coffee company were met with derision and put downs – not so might now huh? Well, I forgive that and instead focus on how “mighty matt” is. It’s warmth and joy – the fun and frivolity of his saying rings so much louder than his later doubts. I doubted me – golly, always have a doubt – like a demon on my shoulder – or is it the angel? Second-guess, look to the elder, ask someone before you leap into anything. Silly. Man, our whole lives dictated to by the other – school set in stone – tell you how, where and how high little boy. The resource room a trove of delightful papers and also of punishments, gruelling afternoons spent learning scriptures – recite the entire book of James or you can’t go on a field trip. Didn’t go on field trip – such a poor, short-sighted way to learn scripture. If only now they know they ruined some perfectly good mystical text for the older man who needed to find his own compass – had perhaps taught me to read maps rather than recite cantations (though they have their merit). Merits and demerits – quid pro quo – right and wrong – green teachers pen – red students pen – always a shudder of anxiety whenever I see these colours next to the very powerless lead based markings of mine. This sense of the divine in this Christian shrine did not match much at all – apart from Floyd Riser – holy spirit – gabble in tongues – find something pertinent in this – my own compass to the divine – a way out of my head and into a glorious conversation between me and my God. God why, God high, God this that and all things – but not now – God isn’t the librarian of my life anymore – I can ask the body, or a bird – the rain even or a child – that little kid – mighty Matt – what direction we should follow, where we should get lost today, yesterday and tomorrow.