Change
SOC Writing _ 27 July 2020
Change
When you change, we all get a potential to change. Charge, like lightning – that spark of new – something heavy and hard hits down upon a slant and releases that first fibre of optical light. The night full of smoke and darkness, fear and gut wrenching fear – has become the stillness in the morning – light upon the doorstep – I step off into the bird world – the stillness before the humans wake – and marvel. I don’t yet have the carrying capacity to stay in the stillness and beauty of this morning – I can’t take much more in than the first 30 seconds – it’s too much, I move inside to the domestic, the coffee making, the fire tending, the wifi and children’s breakfast. Why not stay longer, cultivate a depth of appreciation for the aliveness of the world you have learned to do without, learned not to cope with? Good question. I am only learning where true value lies and it’s a slow process away from the toil of every day process. Change it up. The beauty of covid – was the morning walks, the strangers on the beach, the interruption of the domestic with a strange unknown – faces in places Id never known, sights at a time of day I’d usually be asleep to. This – this-ness of the outside world – where things pass in plain sight – only forgotten instantly. Yesterday, a small thrush followed me closely for an hour, carrying wood – fearless – flightless she followed – an unbearably beautiful companion – I spoke, she fluttered – a trail I’d created to her delight, kick up some food for her I thought – she only wants what my big boots can unfurl. But no, presence and curiosity was there – the longing for connection – the existence of a bond long forgotten - we can care for things we thought we’d never connect with, find an allyship with the earth and the strangest peoples upon it. I laugh now, thinking of my gender and its perfect fluidity – the love of pink and sequins - the parts of me looked over, just like the morning world, awoke now, more so than ever to what can arise.