Feel alone

SOC Writing _ 19.10.21

Feel Alone

Like a stone - gut heart hard - feet on the ground and swelling up in my belly a longing for love and to feel skin touched - warm - care - I long for this from thee - from the tree of life - from everything that has made it’s sojourn from me - life has swept me here and I do not have a clue where it will take me - dream life in the night wakes me and asks me if you care - if it’s really there or if there is another way I must travel - the same thing as you asked and I provided no comfort for - in this - basket of knowledge - the truth of the situation is: no one else’s but mine - maybe ours - you are far away in delicious aloneness - I am in devil-ous aloneness - in our aloneness feeling different feelings because we have different bodies - different souls - but not that different. We are more similar than apart - unless we decide otherwise, we shall make a boat and sail the seven seas - shall arrive to coasts crusted with oysters and seals and whole colonies of life - like Robinson Crusoe - how Defoe made a work out of aloneness - how deftly he crafted a soul that would be adrift and find life in the most unsavoury of places - just like this one - this alone - feeling land - one my my islands that make up the archipelago of Matt - my piece of commitment to you out of love and not knowing - letting go but not going - if I told you I’d stay a thousand years would you love that? If I told you I’d sell my everything - would you hold that? My heart a tempestuous mess when I get into the rabbit hole of blackness - not thinking in the night because it leads me to exit plan land - but in this morning - tea with mint - a little glint of hope in the rear view mirror - I seek out this week with myself in the air - not flying to you - but soon, soon my dear - come close, come near - let me smell your skin and grin and say I love you deeper still - deeper me, deeper you.