Muddle

SOC Writing _ 8.9.21

Muddle

Muddle, puddle, pooling ocean, tearing tide – rocks, sticks thrown and lifted – the land not safe from her snarling liquids. All of a sudden – thrown off balance – my boots filled with sea water as the children yelp and laugh – I laugh at myself – my desire to be close to the action – my willingness to stay put when I know I would be sodden. It’s a breeze, a joy this life with my children – I love them so – they take me on great journeys when I let myself be led – when I find, dig deeper for the energy resource to say a fuck yes to my eldest ‘s desire to bushwack a trail to the trig, to play on the ground and throw my youngest into the air so he feels like he can fly – and my daughter – warm soft hand in mine – always love, always love. I am overcome in their love, their need of me and it’s all too beautiful – that I would fight and die for them – that I plan on fortunes I amass to be their stepping stones to a life the must lead – they must find their own path – and I hope to watch and stay out of the way – be their champion – and let them be. Love – loving them is love in my life – I feel it viscerally flowing through me on yet another night when they are ill – hand over hearts, heads – sending warmth – touch as medicine. Love you guys – and over time you have shown me how to love myself – look myself in the mirror – grabbing a brief respite from your noises – and say – your doing great Matt, your doing great Never a moment to regret – never a space without beauty when you three are around. Just time to sit back and be astounded – that the stars came to me – like Oliver Jeffers – the one fallen star caught, and I have three! What a gift! What delight! What wonder and beauty has landed soft beside me – to hold me and to guide me.