He said, you can study with me - we will touch the walls of this earth house - show me how the hare talks and the wooden roots speak - touch with eros - the way to begin is to bring our bodies close and listen - to the sound of earth - be underground or at least close the the hovel of earth - I dreamt of Martin Shaw - the intimacy of two men together working out their love and intrigue of earth and root - the places most do not tread - give me your trust - your hand - your time - your life. We do not have long here - you know this because I am telling you - what will you do with this year to live it as if your last? Make it count by starting to pay attention to everything - the next gulp of tea - the way your hand is too tense as you write - the rush of blood in your head as the tea leaves make their way into blood - love - I love you - these are the markers of recognizing that life will die and rebirth and have you loved? How do you soften the belly against fear and welcome fear as a friend to be wild and free like a stallion - out in the fields which bucks and rolls over in the gross - then gently walks - do not coop yourself up - your fears in a little cage - let them out - give them some air so they might show you that they are just part of you - soften all that is hard - especially your tummy - like when your mother rubbed it when you were little - like that - this is how you must be as you approach this last year of your life - as you practice letting go so that you live fully - that is the gift of death - a fully lived life - and now as the fear comes and goes and you notice the taste of tea and toast - the whole world waits gleefully for you - like the horse - waiting for you to lead it to bridle and saddle - to adventure close to it’s musty hair and love it like you love yourself.