Lost

SOC Writing _ 16.11.21

Lost

I the weeds - in the thick of my emotion - the tree - the fig needed tying - needed support from the buffering of the winds - did I get to you in time? Did I spare your roots from dying back? What in me is dying back? I feel death inside me everyday you are away and some days you are with me - my insides quake and groan - like ship in a storm - my sails are all down and I am adrift - what does life want from me? Shall I stay in this or go? The tumult tells me its too much - that you don’t care enough - and this too I must weigh - I want something deeper - a partnership that really is a partnership - not a distance - a love that can be cultivated in the here and now - not support from afar. In all this coming and going - I love you still - but trust you less - because I want you all - am in all - have checked in at the casino and put my house on the line for you - and, and - you? You are hiding behind a group - behind a temple - it is impossible to do this while you are that way - I cannot say what way I shall move - still want to let the figuring out mind go and just let life - but - and - my body is not at peace - may never be at peace with you and that too is life speaking - that too is my love - my heart wanting and waning - the support I give the fig is the support I need with you - give to you - why are you away? Really? Why have you decided to put yourself far away? What are you afraid of? You haven’t been here before and so I get it - but I offer you this - this newness - this life - of loving and being loved that you may miss - you may miss my wondrous mistress - I love you - come here and tell me you do - fall into my arms and let me hold you true - as faithfully as my heart is - as faithfully as my body speaks.